Centering our needs as mothers is radicalised mothering

Being a good woman, a good wife, and a good mother has long been graded in our culture according to how much we give of ourselves for the benefit of others. We are so used to operating in this way, that it has become automatic and we don’t question it. It is a radical act for a woman; a mother to truely love herself. To love herself so much that she positions her needs as a priority. I wish this radicalism for you.

I wish this for you because when we mothers prioritise our wellbeing, we ensure we have the capacity to weather the storms and lovingly meet the needs of those we care for. When we prioritise our wellbeing we proudly give patriarchal motherhood and it’s resulting self sacrifice, depletion and overwhelm the finger. When we prioritise our wellbeing we become cycle breakers for our families, ending sometimes generations worth of pain. When we prioritise our wellbeing we are making the radical statement that we matter and are worth making a fuss about.

So how do we begin centering our needs? I always tell people to start small with the simple act of checking in with ourselves throughout our day. You can do this by taking a moment to place a hand on your heart and asking: “How am I feeling right now?”, “What sensations am I noticing in my body right now”, “What could I do to bring joy into my experience right now?”, “what would feel most nourishing right now?”. Then I invite you to act on this information.

Sometimes the answers to these question are basic as hell — like realising you’ve been holding your bladder for hours and what you really need is to empty it. Or that you’re hungry or thirsty. Or maybe it’s that you notice how dysregulated you feel, so you make time to ground yourself in some way. Other times it may be that what you’re feeling is overwhelmed and this simple act of noticing and acknowledging that allows you to prioritise taking time away from your mothering to focus only on yourself.

Like I said, these things seem basic but we are often operating in very disconnected states. Disconnected from our bodies we don’t notice our basic needs until we end up in dark places unable to see even the faintest light. We do this in the name of getting more done and prioritising the needs of others. But how much more do your really get done in this state of overwhelm? And how well are you meeting the needs of others when you’re constantly looking for ways to numb out so you can manage a nervous system that is constantly peaking?

If you want to get radical as a mother, look no further than within your own body. Center your needs by listening to the wisdom within. Over time you will find that you can go further with meeting your needs, asking for more, or better asserting your boundaries to ensure your wellbeing is maintained.

Your future self will thank you for it and so will your children.