Strength in Asking: The Power of Accepting Help as Mothers

So many of us feel a deep resistance to accepting help, especially as mothers. It’s as if there’s this unspoken expectation that we should just be able to do it all. But needing support doesn’t make us weak; it makes us human.

I think most of us know this when we think about the other people in our lives - of course its okay for them to ask for help and not do everything alone! But why then is it so hard for us to take our own advice?

Well..It’s often hard for us to take our own advice about asking for help because we’ve internalised societal messages that tie our worth as mothers—and as women—to our ability to handle everything on our own. We’re taught to prioritize others’ needs above our own, and the idea of seeking support can feel like admitting failure or falling short of an impossible standard.

For others, we can see clearly that asking for help is an act of wisdom and strength. But when it comes to ourselves, shame, guilt, or the fear of judgment often creep in, making it harder to extend the same compassion.

This double standard is also fueled by the "good mother" ideology—a deeply ingrained belief that to be a good mum, you must be selfless, endlessly capable, and completely independent. It’s not just a personal struggle but a cultural narrative that perpetuates unrealistic expectations of motherhood.

Breaking free from this mindset takes intentional effort and self-compassion. It means challenging the stories we’ve been told and learning to view vulnerability and interdependence as essential, not as weaknesses. When we start to see our needs as valid and worthy of care, it becomes easier to align our actions with the advice we so readily give to others.

The other wonderful benefit of being able to seek help is that it shows our children that vulnerability is a natural and beautiful part of being connected to others. When we ask for help, we’re modelling self-respect and self-compassion—two things that are vital for our well-being and that of our families.

If you would like to start asking for more help here are 5 things to consider to get you on your way:

1. Challenge the "Good Mother" Myth

Reflect on the beliefs you hold about what makes a "good" mother. Are they rooted in unrealistic expectations, like needing to be selfless or perfect? Start questioning these narratives and replacing them with healthier, more compassionate ones, such as “A good mother knows when to care for herself so she can care for her family.”

2. Practice Small Acts of Asking

Begin by asking for help in low-stakes situations to build your comfort level. For example, ask your partner to handle a bedtime routine or a friend to pick up groceries if you’re feeling overwhelmed. These small moments normalize the act of seeking support and help you experience the relief it can bring.

3. Reframe Asking as Strength

Remind yourself that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness but a demonstration of courage, self-awareness, and love. It models resilience and interdependence for your children. Instead of thinking, "I should be able to do this alone," try reframing it to, "I’m showing my kids that we thrive by supporting one another."

4. Build a Support Network

Seek out or cultivate a community where asking for help feels natural and welcomed. This might be through mother’s groups, close friends, family, or even professional support like a therapist or coach. Having a go-to circle makes reaching out feel less intimidating and more normalized.

5. Start With Self-Compassion

Begin by noticing the internal voice that resists asking for help. Is it judgmental, critical, or guilt-driven? Practice speaking to yourself with kindness and curiosity instead. For example, when you feel you “should” be able to do it all, pause and ask, “What do I really need right now? How can I give myself grace in this moment?”

But what if it’s not that we haven’t been able to ask for help... Sometimes we may have asked for help in the past and that help was not forthcoming, or even worse our requests were responded to with hostility or defensiveness.

If this sounds like your situation, I want to acknowledge the real pain and frustration that comes with this experience. Feeling dismissed, judged, or unsupported is completely unjust and can create a deep mistrust, making vulnerability feel risky and unsafe. Here are a few things I want you to know about this:

1. It’s Not About You; It’s About Them

Often, a poor response to your need for support is a reflection of the other person’s limitations—not your worthiness of help. Whether it’s a lack of emotional capacity, empathy, or understanding on their part, their response doesn’t define your value or your right to ask for care.

2. Redefine What Support Looks Like

Support doesn’t have to come from the people who’ve let you down. It might mean finding professional help, joining a community of like-minded mothers, or connecting with someone who understands your struggles without judgment. Sometimes, support comes in unexpected forms—like online groups, local organizations, or even through paid services like a cleaner or babysitter.

3. Set Boundaries with Unsafe People

If asking for help from certain individuals consistently leaves you feeling worse, it’s okay to stop looking to them for support. Protecting your energy is important and allows you to focusing on building connections with people who can truly show up for you.

4. Start Small and Build Trust

When seeking support feels daunting, start by sharing small, manageable needs or feelings with someone who feels emotionally safe. Over time, as you experience positive responses, your trust in others—and in the act of asking—can begin to rebuild.

5. Lean Into Self-Compassion

While external support is vital, practicing self-compassion can help fill the gaps when others fall short. Being gentle with yourself, acknowledging how hard it’s been, and finding ways to care for your emotional needs are acts of resilience and self-love.

7. Consider Professional or Structured Support

If personal relationships feel too fraught, seeking professional support like therapy, mother’s groups, or coaching can provide a safe container where your needs are respected and prioritised. These spaces are designed to hold you without judgment.

Motherhood was never meant to be a solitary journey. You are worthy of support, of compassion, and of being held—just as you hold so much for those around you.